So, yeah, I got engaged! To Marisa, obviously. My betrothed/beloved/special lady friend/whatever (not a big fan of the word "fiancee" or "fiance" not just because I often forget how many e's to use for which gender, but because I often mistakenly type "finance" instead, and if there's one thing neither of us will get out of this marriage, it's a ton of money) covered this news quite well, which is why I feel free to use this space to talk instead about Juggalos.

I can remember it clearly: in November 2007 at the Hold Steady's pre-Thanksgiving show at Terminal 5, Craig made a joke about Juggalos, the self-identified fans of shock-rap jackasses the Insane Clown Posse. I had heard of the Insane Clown Posse at least since high school, and part of my delight in the joke/reference, which I latched onto like a toddler and reprised constantly for at least a month, was that it was both esoteric (no one cares about the Insane Clown Posse) and weirdly truthful (a ton of people still might care about the Insane Clown Posse?!). This culminated in a Thanksgiving radio show where Rob and I filled some dead air by reading from the Juggalo wikipedia page that I linked above. For those of you unfamiliar with the Insane Clown Posse, it seems to be sort of a more extreme version of tool-rap staples like Limp Bizkit, or Eminem minus the artistic relevance so many people claim he has on some level. ICP, as the kids call it, is basically the asshole music of all asshole music. They're asshole music granddaddies, in fact, because they've been around longer.

References to Juggalos recurred occasionally for the next year and change, and then today Marisa, naturally, sent me this link to an infomercial for this year's Gathering of the Juggalos, an annual music festival curated by and starring the Insane Clown Posse (unfortunately, Free Williamsburg was slow on the uptake, as they apparently missed both Craig's joke back in 2007 and the fact that the 2009 Gathering of the Juggalos advertised here already happened several weeks ago and apparently has been thoroughly linked/mocked at a variety of other sites).

Naturally, I watched all fourteen minutes, and through most of it I was trying not to crack up too loudly. I immediately linked it on Twitter, but then I realized though bit.ly tells me a fair number of people clicked on it, the likelihood of anyone else but maybe Craig or Rob wading through all fourteen minutes, especially when so much of it is made up of long lists of awful bands and comedians playing this awful festival, is slim to none. So, please, let me take you through this year's Gathering of the Juggalos, even though it already happened.

After a few minutes of introduction, including a hilarious reference to Juggalos as "the most misunderstood people of all time," our hosts for this mini-infomercial appear: DJ Clay, a rotund fellow, and a blonde chick who goes by the name Sugar Slam, which is not a new kind of Denny's dessert, but rather some kind of ICP fan or adorably bad actress (I can't tell which; maybe both!) who could easily be played by Amy Poehler in an SNL sketch right down to the way she goes "woo woo!" (it's hard to tell from the audio if she's in fact saying "w00t woot!" but I like to imagine she is).

DJ Clay and Sugar Slam bust through a truly comprehensive list of Gathering of the Juggalos performers which, as Rob points out, sort of buries the lead by billing Ice Cube and Gwar something like twentieth, seemingly because they don't wear clown make-up like the other acts on what I assume is ICP's vanity label. But the video really takes off when they stop describing the dopest musical acts around and mention the other attractions, as the Gathering of the Juggalos begins to sound more and more like a straight-up eight-year-old's birthday party, yo.

In the words of Clay or Sugar, I forget which, "check out just some of these dope-ass activities going down," also usually in their words:

--A human cannonball: "this guy is gonna shoot himself out of a cannon three times a day, all weekend long. Amazing!"
--"Magicians and hypnotists walking around that bitch."
--"Crazy helicopter rides!"
--Dudes on stilts. (Or rather: "Check this out: dudes on stilts!!")
--Barbecues, which are advertised with the confusing, one might even say misleading tag: "Calling all fat kids: it's time to get paid!" This only makes sense if you assume that all fat kids can be paid in cheeseburgers.
--"Inflatable games, including bouncy boxing and a giant waterslide!"
--Carnival rides: "What about the carnival rides?" DJ Clay interjects. "The Tempest, the Zipper, the Tilt-a-Whirl…" and then he sort of trails off, but still! What about the carnival rides?
--"Plus," in addition to regular wrestlers, "midgets, ladies, oddities, and some of the most bizarre people in the world." Truly, for Juggalos, ladies must be among the most bizarre sights in the world.
--"Oh, did we say seminars? Full-on seminars!"
--"And don't you miss the massive scavenger hunt!"

In summary and, again, in the words of Clay or Sugar, "everywhere you look there's some different shit popping up."

After listing all of these dope-ass activities, and also outhouses, Clay and Sugar bid us farewell, and the voiceover guy returns, and then, unexpectedly, my mood changes. The announcer, in the tradition of cheesy bands since the dawn of rock and roll, notes that it's the fans themselves – the Juggalos – that "truly [make] each and every year so special." He sums it up by describing the Gathering of the Juggalos as "a truly magical time with unbelievably cool people just like you."

These almost shockingly cornball words, juxtaposed with all of the footage of ratty and skanky-looking Juggalos, probably mostly teenagers, and capping off a list of dope-ass activities that wouldn't be out of place at summer camp, gave me a pinch of sadness: ICP might be making some of the worst (and, if I understand correctly, most misogynist) rock-rap in the business, but that blatantly manipulative plea – "unbelievably cool people just like you" – comes from a core of genuine misfit status. I became strangely moved by the idea that someone would be watching this ICP recruitment video not merely non-ironically, but wistfully: the announcer encourages the viewers to "quit wishing you could go every year" because "the time has come!" It all sounds like an eight-year-old's birthday party because it essentially is an eight-year-old's birthday party, only with way more clown makeup. Suddenly I wanted desperately for all of these kids in the video footage to have the awesome time DJ Clay and Sugar Slam described. It would also be awesome if they listened to better music, but hey, all kinds of crummy bands won't cook you cheeseburgers or provide you with inflatable games.

So you win this round, Insane Clown Posse: against all odds, your music made me feel something.

Small movie round-up: at screenings I saw Big Fan (review; Rob, you should see this at some point), World's Greatest Dad (review and boy do I wish it was as good as a lot of the reviews are saying!), and Spike Lee's filming of the Broadway show Passing Strange (review).